When the prayer was over, everyone could speak. Many people were saying good morning to each other while others were rushing to line up for the toilet. This was the early morning procedure we would follow until the end of the walk.

Some of the L.A. walkers had been converted to Buddhism during the walk. They had become dogmatic in enforcing the rituals. Bill said that he had been awakened during the night by a woman from the L.A. walk. She told him that sleeping with his feet toward the monks' altar showed disrespect and that he should turn around. Shortly before we got to New York City, Doug told me that he would be glad to get away from the western Buddhists. Someone had picked up the apple core he had just thrown away to see whether the proper amount of fruit had been eaten. A few of the converts were almost unbearable and we avoided them as best we could.

Today, however, the New Orleans walkers were caught up in trying to figure everything out. We were also preoccupied with the prayer fast. The monks set up the altar at the edge of the park, facing the White House. The Hiroshima and Nagasaki photo panels were displayed along the sidewalk. Everyone sat cross-legged on the ground facing the altar and began chanting. The monks sat in this position during the entire 11-hour vigil, getting up only occasionally to go to the toilet. They did not even drink water during the fast.

None of the rest of us could even come close to this feat of endurance. I would sit for a couple of hours. Then I would have to get up to stretch the muscles in my legs and back. Occasionally I would stretch out flat on the ground in the warm sun and even sleep for a few minutes. Others were doing the same. Then after about half an hour, I would resume my position at the vigil again. I did not get hungry, although my stomach growled a lot. The major discomfort was a headache. I was also very drowsy.

We were disappointed that only three people came out to join us. Two were men who slept in front of the White House as a constant witness to the plight of the homeless. They were cynical about getting the American people to approve disarmament, and the lack of support here was confirmation. But our spirits were lifted when Kajo arrived around noon. He wore a new pair of black wing-tipped shoes, a pair of Playboy sun glasses, and a big smile. The New Orleans walkers smiled back and waved. We could not greet each other in any other manner until after the vigil.

At seven o'clock we ended the vigil and left the park before the VVAW arrived. Almost all the monks, the Japanese, and a few others went to the Nipponzan Myohoji temple. Kajo showed his rebelliousness by being the only monk to join us at the Methodist Church, where he was given a more proper welcome back to the walk. Kajo seemed much more relaxed and happy than before he left. He had resolved whatever had been bothering him, and clearly not by retreating into dogmatic Buddhist rituals. In the weeks ahead the split between Kajo and the other monks would be almost complete. This evening I heard about an incident at the temple last night. A young Bolivian who spoke no English had arrived yesterday to join the walk. He was spending the night at the Buddhist temple, which was crowded, but he had managed to find a secluded spot. During the night he was awakened by a half dozen very angry monks and nuns, all of them lecturing him at the same time in Japanese, another language he could not understand. He never understood what he had done that was so wrong (he had slept in the room reserved for Fuji) but left the next morning and did not join the walk.The story was funny,but at the same time sad.

   May 13, Second day of the prayer fast in front of the White House
The vigil began again at seven o'clock, but we did not have to get up so early because there were no morning prayers. Kajo was the only Buddhist with us last night, and he went to a separate room to pray. Morishita met me as we left the church and told me that he wanted me to go to a Senate hearing on the nuclear freeze. Two people from the L.A. walk would also go. He asked that I not talk with anyone else about it, as others might want to go and the monks wanted all the rest to remain at the vigil.

Shortly before 9 o'clock, Tetsul came to tell me that the guide was here and to tell me to go to the monks and bow to them before leaving to let them know I was going and to show respect. I did not appreciate this dictation. I went to the front of the vigil and waved goodbye instead.

The four of us were only a block from the park when Mary came running up. The emotion of the confrontation between Mary and Toby, the guide, surprised me and the other two walkers. Toby insisted that no other people come with her. Mary equally insisted on her taxpayer's right to attend a Senate hearing.

I remembered that Morishita had said that only three walkers were to go to the hearing. I also remembered Pamela's warning that we should cooperate more with our local supporters. In the past we had angered some with petty bickering. In addition, I was angry with Mary for provoking this incident. This is in defense of my failure to support Mary, though I am still uncomfortable with it.

Finally Toby said that Mary was not dressed properly to attend the hearing. Of course, by this standard none of us should have attended. My blue jeans even had holes in both knees. Toby's next statement was even more difficult to explain. She said that the Senate had just finished hearings on mental illness. If Mary attended the hearings dressed as she was it would not help our cause. Mary screamed back, "You're the one who's crazy!" It ended with Toby turning and walking away. The three of us followed, leaving Mary standing by herself.

We made our way to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee room, where a hearing on the Kennedy-Hatfield amendment was already in progress. We heard witnesses in favor of the freeze amendment in the morning and W. W. Rostow, then head of the Arms Control Talks (ACDA?) and formerly head of the Committee on the Present Danger, a private agency opposed to arms control.

My impulse was to stand up and disrupt the answers. They were obvious lies. He had no interest in disarmament. But I was not sure that I could continue with the walk if I were arrested. Now, more than anything else, I wanted to finish the walk.

After the hearings we returned to the vigil, checking in at the front before taking our places at the back. Almost immediately Mary came and sat beside me. She said she was upset with me for not supporting her in the morning and for going along with the monks on too many issues. I tried to explain my reasons to her. As we talked, our differences were brought into sharper focus. Our approach to the peace walk was now very different. I thought that we should not divide the walk in its final three weeks, but she thought it imperative that we attack flaws in the organization and its leadership. It was evident that reconciliation would not happen soon. go to page 44